The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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