I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You ruined the universe
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
