I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
