Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
