It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
