I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
