Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i out mim tonsoeep
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