It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
