Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
