I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
