Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need help removing her.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
