How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
