You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
