My nipple is on Facebook.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
