dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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