I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
