i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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