Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize