I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
