I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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