I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
