so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Pooping to opera.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
