Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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