We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
