My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
