Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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