Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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