i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
