he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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