you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
