Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
