I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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