Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
