I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
