her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
