How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
