between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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