this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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