yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
