i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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