why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
