so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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