ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
