hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
