You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
