It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
