Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
