If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we made out on top of his cat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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