just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
