I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
