Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
