Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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