I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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