Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
