They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
