I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
