have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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