What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
