i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
