Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
