Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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