So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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