Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
