I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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