remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
