I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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