my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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