So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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