Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
false alarm, still single
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
