i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
