your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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