come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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