If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
