I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
