I forgot how hot balto sounded
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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