oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
